TALES FROM A&E: HOSPITALIZED. STIGMATIZED
I’d indulged in three Saturday afternoon whiskies when I began to feel overly drunk. I remember thinking that I’m sure I could handle my drink better. I suppose it all went downhill from there. As time went on, chronic fatigue set in, to the point I struggled to lift my head. I was slowly shutting down. It felt like a switch had been clicked and I was powering off.
My stubborn pleas to just let me go to bed and sleep it off were thankfully ignored by my nearest and dearest. After a call to 111, I was quickly taken to hospital. If I was on my own, the outcome could have been different.
I asked a nurse whether I would be here for the night. “You’re a very sick boy” the response. I was slapped with a sticker ‘REVIEW ON WEDNESDAY’ and off I went into Accident and Emergency, groggy but still convinced the fuss was an overreaction.
Villa play on Wednesday. Will I be out by Wednesday? “Health comes before football,” the doctor said as I counted numerous different intravenous treatments. Probably for the best anyhow. I was weary but capable of the odd joke before I suddenly took a turn for the worse.
Covered in cold sweats I was less jovial than the hours before. I was gripped with utter panic as my body rejected whatever was being pumped into my veins. Overhearing doctors debating my treatment I began to fear the worse. Dare I say it, I was scared. Is this it? Out of nowhere, a serene, acceptance and calmness came over me. It was a bizarre and spiritual feeling that I look back on with some confusion and maybe even comfort.
Trust and mistrust are emotions that ruminate in our psyche. Some people will gain trust, while others will lose it. Broken trust can take time to heal and sometimes never recover to the full capacity it once was. We spend time debating and toiling the trust of others. I found this quite poignant when in Accident and Emergency, I had no choice other than to trust strangers with the most important aspect of life itself, my very existence.
It struck me how the people I trusted with my life didn’t know me in any great detail. Regardless of my bank account, what car I drive, the clothes in my wardrobe, even whether I was a banker or a thief, it all didn’t matter at that moment. In Accident and Emergency, all patients were treated equally and in accordance with the care they needed. In those fateful hours, the only judgement of me came from my words and actions there and then. What makes you rich in such a situation is the kindness you show to others.
After 8 hours I was wheeled out of Accident and Emergency heading to my new ward, a truly warm nurse from Holland thanked me for being “the nicest patient she has ever had”. Maybe it was her first day on the job or my simple courtesy and jokes might be a rare occurrence in that situation. Either way, this made me feel rich. It feels good to be good and it doesn't cost a thing.
Like waking from a hazy drunken night this is when I found out I had been through what is known as a DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis). Probing more, a nurse said it could have been fatal.
I have towed back and forth whether to write about this experience, all things considered, I have developed some introverted tendencies. We are all vulnerable in one way or another. I've often hidden any sign of weakness due to the fear of it being used against me. I now have an opportunity to break the habit. While publishing this post is not easy, it is time to stand up and be counted. After all, such a diagnosis has left me at a crossroads. Face it head-on or go into denial. This blog is part of my rehabilitation of acceptance.
Firstly, a DKA is a result of Type One Diabetes and this looks like my diagnosis. There is plenty of misinformation relating to Type One Diabetes and I wanted to educate on what I have learned about it. Type One CANNOT be prevented and is genetic. It is not a result of eating too much sugar contrary to the myth. Type One Diabetes is an auto-immune disease that destroys the pancreatic cells that create insulin and unfortunately for me by no fault of my own I seem to have that gene. Reports have also suggested the disease can be triggered by Covid19. This could be a whole different blog post.
Secondly, raising awareness of the symptoms is important. I would advise anyone with the early symptoms to catch it early. If delayed there is an increased risk of long term damage and the dreaded DKA. The symptoms of which can easily be mistaken for being drunk. As someone who is partial to being three sheets to the wind, you can see where confusion and misjudgement could have arisen.
So, my last blog post was titled ‘IF THE VIRUS DOESN'T GET YOU, NEGATIVITY WILL”. In the aforementioned post, I outlined a plan to remain positive come what may. Little did I know what was around the corner. My own words have taken a whole new significance and this sequence of events has tested my resolve to new levels. I am now facing four daily injections alongside frequent blood tests. And this is just the beginning of the trials and tribulations. Life has certainly thrown a curveball this time. The emotional battle is extremely arduous and to say it isn’t a struggle would be a huge lie, it is not a stroll in the park.
But..... now more than ever I need to practice what I preach and find any drop of good out of this. As the dust settles I’m thankful for this opportunity to live to fight another day. Now I'm out of the hospital I am slowly but surely fighting all that comes with this disease. Things will never be the same again but I must remain positive and fight on.
It is kind of like I have just picked up a passenger on the highway of life. The passenger is armed and dangerous with a temperament bound to play up in future. However, I need to accept it is here for the ride. If I treat it with discipline then hopefully, it will sit quietly in the back seat for the most part.
Lastly, I would like to talk about the NHS. The NHS is always a source of debate and rightfully so, no institution should be beyond improvement. It is in no way perfect. But let's make one thing very clear, as a British citizen I am lucky to live in a country where life-saving treatment is available and at no price to the patient.
I have witnessed the work that nurses do on a daily basis during my stay at Wolverhampton New Cross Hospital. My experience is that they are that good under increasingly difficult circumstances. The patience, care and support they put into their everyday work is nothing further than magic. With trust comes great responsibility and in my most vulnerable moment, I couldn’t have trusted anyone better. Thank you!
Until next time.
Wishing you health, in body and mind. Now, where's my guitar?
Neal X
